Lauri’s Blog

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman who is wondering why she’s dreaming about an old flame…

I have a reoccurring dream that is driving me crazy. I am in a seven year relationship but I keep having a dream about this guy I still have feelings for who I had a fling with. In this dream it’s always a family member telling me that “John Doe” is here to see me and I’ll get ready to see him but I never do. Something always ends up happening so I am unable to see him. When I’m with my significant other I find myself thinking about my old fling and actually wanting to see him. Please help!

Lauri: It’s common to continue to dream about someone who really “lit our fire” even decades after we were with them. As time goes on, the person no longer represents him or herself but rather the excitement and passion that we experienced when we were with them. In my research I’ve found that these old flames tend to pop into our dreams when our current relationship becomes a little too routine or when our life becomes hum drum. The inner mind will bring this person into our dreams to remind us that it is time to re-ignite our inner spark, time to bring the excitement and passion that person represents back into our waking life or current relationship. Remember, it’s the feelings that they are connected to, not the person.

But what concerns me though is that you said you had a fling with this person. Does that mean it was a brief romantic relationship during your current seven year relationship? Or did this fling precede your current relationship? Whatever the case, the fact that you are never able to see him in your dreams is where the message lies. You mentioned that you still have feelings for him and think of him. Your wiser inner self knows that – morally – you cannot “see him” anymore because you are in a committed relationship. And if you want this relationship to continue, you need to realize that “seeing him” is no longer an option. You are no longer together for a reason.

I suggest you take that energy, those feelings your dreams give you and turn it towards your boyfriend. Whenever Mr. Ex Fling shows up in your dream, harness those passionate feelings you wake up with and put them to good use, if ya know what I mean…wink, wink!

Strange sex dreams, death of a loved one, weird things happening to your body… It’s ALL in there!  Grab your copy of So, What Did You Dream Last Night?  and understand your dreams like never before!

“I have both of your books. I love them!!  It is so much fun to look up what my dreams mean in the morning.  I don’t know what I would do without them!”   – Amy, Clearfield, UT

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Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman who can’t stop dreaming about her ex…

Some background: My long-term boyfriend cheated on me and I broke up with him. It was the most upsetting thing that ever happened to me and I’m still not fully over it, but it was over a year ago and I’ve tried really hard to move on.

However, I’ve recently been having really vivid dreams about him. In them I’m in bed and lying in the same position I’m in; he comes into my room, seeming agitated, and after hesitating for a long time, lies down behind me and just holds my hand.

In the dream I am only pretending to be asleep while he does this; I feel annoyed and affronted that he has had the nerve to get in my bed and plan what I will shout at him when I ”wake up” — but I stay where I am and feel like I don’t want to move. It’s so real that I sometimes think he’s actually there. What’s my subconscious trying to tell me after all this time?   - Caroline

Lauri: Your dream is showing you that, in fact, you haven’t moved on at all. Notice how in the dream you don’t move, you stay in the same position. Your dream has given form to where you are emotionally: There has been “no movement” towards healing or closure, and your “position” on the matter has not changed. You are probably stuck in the mindset of a victim and can’t see past the loss you are feeling; you did say, “I stay where I am and feel like I don’t want to move.”

Your dream is showing you that the choice is yours as to whether you remain where you are in misery or actually make an honest effort to move forward toward healing. In the dream your ex is always behind you; this is your dreaming mind trying to tell you that he is behind you in your past and you need to start looking forward. The pretending you are doing in the dream is the pretending you are doing in real life. You do need to “wake up” and realize what you are doing to yourself.

Everything that you are saying to him in your head in the dream, I want you to write that all out tonight at bedtime right before you turn out your light. You have internalized your pain for far too long and now is the time to get it out of your psyche and onto paper. Take up as many pages in your journal as you need to. Get it all out, curse-swear-scream it all out as you write, get all that pain out.

Once you have exhausted yourself, go ahead and rip those pages out of your journal and toss them in the trash. This is symbolic of ridding yourself of the useless pain and frustration you have been holding onto all this time; it is worthless to you, it is trash. Then turn out your light, go to sleep, and see what kind of dream you get tonight. I’ll bet you’ll have a dream showing your progress! I’ll also bet you’ll wake up feeling a lot better and ready to take on the future. Remember, it is impossible to move forward when you are holding on to what is behind you.

Caroline replies: Thanks so much for this. It all makes such a massive amount of sense – I actually kind of cried a bit when I read it because I know it’s so true! I’ve tried a lot of different things to get past what happened, but I’m going to try your advice before bed and see if it helps. If any more positive dreams happen I’ll let you know! Once again, thank you so much – you’ve really clarified in my mind what the problem is and now I feel able to take action and solve it.

Your dreams are a built-in healing mechanism.  If you are trying to move on from pain in your recent past, let your dreams show you the way!!  Grab yourself a copy of one of my books and you’ll easily understand your dreams every morning and get a HUGE edge in life.

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman who had a creepy dream about her ex and a baby with no face…

A few years ago, I briefly dated this guy (let’s call him X), though we never had sex. We parted mutually after only a few weeks, when it became clear that we were completely incompatible.  I am now in a happy, 2-year relationship with a friend of his, with his blessing. So here’s the dream:

X had a one-night stand with an insane girl and was now left with a baby by her, since she was not stable enough to look after it at all. For some reason, even though we aren’t close anymore, he came to me for help.  Our interaction with each other and with the child was being watched by a panel of ‘judges’, and with them looking on (to make sure we weren’t ‘inappropriate’).  I picked up the baby to feed him; his face was gone, replaced by a smooth white china mask with lumps and indentations where the eyes, nose and mouth should be. We smeared food on the mouth indentation, trying to find a way to feed the baby, but it didn’t work and then the baby disappeared and I knew that I had failed.  X then took my hand and we sat in silence for the rest of the dream.

Lauri: You must be feeling scrutinized in waking life. Who has been judging you or making you feel inadequate? If it’s not anyone around you, then ask yourself if you are the one being too judgmental and critical of yourself.

The baby represents some new element or new responsibility in your life, born out of a confusing, chaotic or “insane” set of circumstances.  You are now left holding the bag and apparently are not feeling up to the challenge.  Did you reluctantly take on a waking life responsibility that you weren’t prepared for?  The baby has no face because you may not have yet “faced” the reality of the situation.  I think your dreaming mind chose to use this former boyfriend to illustrate the fact that you have taken on something that you shouldn’t have, something that was not a good match for you.

In the end of the dream, the man takes your hand because your inner self is reminding you that you were probably only trying to “lend a hand” in the first place, so don’t be so hard on yourself.  The silence suggests that you may need to speak up about the issue because it seems like there was a certain level of injustice that has happened here.

Response from dreamer: Yes, that makes perfect sense!  I was recently dumped with a whole heap of extra responsibility from my family, and going back to study, and am starting to feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day!  I also just started a new job which has been separating me from my close friends more and more due to the chaotic hours, so my support group feels like it’s dwindling. Thanks so much!

Don’t let your dreams frighten you!  Let them enlighten you!!  Grab yourself a copy of one of my books and you’ll easily understand your dreams every morning and get a HUGE edge in life.

“All my friends come to me now when they want to understand their dreams.  Your books have made me very popular!!”   – Gina, Syracuse, NY

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman who can’t stop dreaming about her ex…

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two months. We’re very happy, he’s my best friend, and I’m head over heels in love with him. However, I’ve been having regular dreams about my ex-boyfriend. I was with him for 18 months, and we ended messily after I confessed I’d cheated. I later found out he’d cheated on me as well. In the dreams, we’re either together again and happy, or I’m trying to get him to come back to me, or I’m out for revenge. Why do I still dream about him when I’m happy with my current boyfriend?

Lauri: You may indeed be happy with your current boyfriend but odds are… you are not happy with yourself and the way things went down with the ex. You see, the majority of our dreams are caused by unresolved issues and your feelings and thoughts regarding your past relationship are clearly unresolved. Your variety of dreams involving him show us the inner conflict of emotions you still have about the whole thing.

The dreams where you are together and happy are connected to your feelings of wanting to be at peace with the relationship and wanting to remember the good times from it. The dreams where you are trying to get him back are connected to the guilt you have for doing him wrong. And, of course, the dreams where you try to get revenge are connected to your anger that he went and did you wrong too! Whew. I’m emotionally depleted from going over all that! As long as you continue to have conflicting emotions you will continue to have these dreams.

Since you can’t undo it, you may as well learn from it so that your current relationship doesn’t wind up an angry, guilt-riddled mess as well. Simply taking on the mindset of “lesson learned” and “wiser for the wear” is all it takes to make the dreams stop.

Dreamer’s Response: I’d say you’re spot on with your analysis! I feel bad about the way it all ended and wish I could undo it all. It’s good to know that I can, and should, just move on. Thank you!

Don’t let your dreams frighten you!  Let them enlighten you!!  Grab yourself a copy of one of my books and you’ll easily understand your dreams every morning and get a HUGE edge in life.

“Your books give awesome insight into dreams!!!”   - Joseph, Middleburg, FL

The ex haunts all our dreams. There is no escaping it!! But take heart in knowing that these dreams are rarely about the ex at all.

I was on KZHT in Salt Lake the other day with Frankie, DB and Jessica when a “Mr. X” called in (that always means the dream is going to include sexual content!) and wanted to know why he was suddenly dreaming of his ex. His dream shows us that the sex-with-the-ex dream does NOT mean we are pining away for times gone by but rather is commenting on the here and now…

What about you? Have you been dreaming of your ex?

Dreams help us in every area of our lives, relationships, career, overcoming the past… you name it! When you can understand your dreams, your life gets better because decisions are easier, tough situations are clearer and you’re just plain smarter when you dream! My book Cracking The Dream Code will help you learn your own dream language so you can get an edge in life.

“I got your book yesterday and started using it last night. It was SO easy to see how my dreams match my thoughts from yesterday, especially the things that i forgot to write about. ” – Nikole, Memphis, TN

I am always preaching that the most important rule to figuring out your dreams is to look at what happened and what was on your mind the day before the dream. That is usually a good way to figure out what the dream is commenting on.

Sometimes however, the dream may be commenting on something that is very deep-rooted, something that you may not consciously give thought to but that is always there, lingering just beneath the surface, waiting for your focus so it can be worked out.

Below is just such an example.  This is from when I was on the air on KZHT in Salt Lake City Monday with Frankie, DB and Jessica.
 

As you heard, deep-rooted issues are not as easy to pinpoint because they are about something the dreamer does not wish to face and deal with during the day.  Had we not had to move on to a commercial break, I would have been abke to dig even deeper for this caller and find out exactly what the issue is.  But more often than not, when our dreams tell us it’s time to face something, as Lorrie’s did, it is usually a call to action, a call to stop ignoring, to stop denying… to stop burying. This is why the ex is caressing and flirting with her in the dream. Her wiser inner mind wants to seduce her into dealing with this issue rather than continuing to ignore it… just as she was trying to ignore him in the dream.

The issue is very likely a similar anger Lorrie holds towards her ex and towards her sister, an anger she may not have ever dealt with in a healthy manner, that she may have pushed down, which is never a good idea because it will always resurface at some point, as it has in her dream!

Our dreams do not allow us to become complacent. For our own good, they will point out issues we need to deal with properly so we can continue to move forward in our life without any baggage or negativity weighing us down and holding us back.  Our dreams are the best friend we’ve got, who know exactly what is best for us and exactly how to do what needs to be done so we can live our best life!  Why let another powerful dream slip away? Grab yourself one or both of my dream books and get an edge in life others don’t have!

“I own both of your books and let me tell you, they are great!  I have people at work asking ME to interpret their dreams. It’s kinda fun!”   – Doreen, Three Lakes, WI

Every Monday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything Inbetween  This week’s dream is about a gal who is in a very urgent situation…

In my dream I woke up to find a demolition ball outside of our apparent apartment building getting ready to knock it down.  My kids father was just kinda standing there saying, “Oh cool…I forgot to tell you they were knocking this place down.” I’m running around getting the kids together so we can leave, and he sits down and watches TV…I wake up in a cold sweat.

Lauri: When we wake up in a dream, as you did, it means we have recently “woken up” to a real life issue we had previously been turning a blind eye towards.  What realization have you had lately?  From the context of this dream, alas, it seems to have been a rude awakening.

What part of your life is on the verge of breaking down, of being destroyed?  In the dream it is being shown to you in the form of your home, which is a good indication your daily life, as you now know it, is at stake.

This dream is a warning sign you are sending yourself that there is a very destructive force in your life that needs to be eliminated ASAP!  Is it the father of your two young children?  Or is it something else that he has allowed to go on or has refused to help you with? 

Just as you are rushing to get out of the apartment in the dream, so are you needing to urgently get out of a waking life situation. The father is of no help in the dream because, deep down, you know this is something only you can truly take care of.  The message of the dream is: get out of this situation ASAP before everything seemingly crumbles around you.

Dreams help us in every area of our lives, relationships, career, overcoming the past… you name it!  When you can understand your dreams, your life gets better because decisions are easier, tough situations are clearer and you’re just plain smarter when you dream! My book Cracking The Dream Code will help you learn your own dream language so you can get an edge in life. 

“Your books have been priceless to me! Thank you so much!!”   – Jenn, Medford, OR

Every Monday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything Inbetween  This week’s dream is about a gal who clearly is harboring pain from her ex…

Last night I dreamed that I was fighting with my ex husband. There was the usual yelling and screaming quite loud. And then a neighbor got ticked that we were being so loud and he shot me with his bow and arrow, twice.

I was in incredible pain but didn’t seem too concerned that I had two arrows sticking clear through me. I even went and changed clothes and used the restroom.

My ex said that he was going to eat and smoke a cigarette and then he’d take me to the ER. We didn’t seem to be in a panic about getting there. So I’m having trouble getting in the car and sitting because of these arrows but we finally get to the ER. That’s when I woke up.

Lauri: “Shot through the heart and you’re to blame, baby, you give love a bad name.” Do these lyrics hit home with you? Because according to this dream, they do! You were specifically shot with arrows, rather than a gun, which is a good indication this is indeed about cupid’s arrow. In other words, you were once madly in love but now that love has turned to pain. This is why you feel pain in the dream. Emotional pain in waking life often shows up in our dreams as physical pain… and your dream is showing you that you are carrying this emotional pain around with you daily just as you were going about your day with arrows through you in the dream.

And notice how you even change clothes and use the restroom! That is significant as it suggests you have tried to “change” your mindset and have even tried to “relieve yourself” of and flush away the frustration and pain. Unfortunately, it is still in you.

The fact that you wind up at the ER in the dream is a good indication the situation is getting urgent. Something is happening that is causing you to want to hurry up and heal already. Is it another relationship? Just keep in mind that when you were fighting with the ex in your dream, you were actually fighting with yourself. Perhaps you are mad at yourself for being in that relationship, or peeved because you can’t seem to let go of the pain. Whatever the case, I’ve learned that forgiving yourself is the best medicine.

Dreams help us in every area of our lives, relationships, career, overcoming the past… you name it!  When you can understand your dreams, your life gets better because decisions are easier, tough situations are clearer and you’re just plain smarter when you dream! My book Cracking The Dream Code will help you learn your own dream language so you can get an edge in life. 

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Whether it’s an ex boyfriend or girlfriend or an ex spouse, those pesky exes keep showing up in our dreams ad nauseam!

Why?

Well, sometimes it’s because we still want them back, sometimes it’s because we had no closure, sometimes it’s because we are still holding on to the pain (if the relationship was abusive) and sometimes it’s because we want that same excitement and passion back in our life again… not the ex but the excitement he or she represents.

But sometimes it’s for a completely different reason all together, which is the case below. Listen to the audio to see what I mean. This is from when I was on KZHT in Salt Lake City this morning with Frankie, DB and Jessica…
 

Dreams help us in every area of our lives, relationships, career, overcoming the past… you name it!  When you can understand your dreams, your life gets better because decisions are easier, tough situations are clearer and you’re just plain smarter when you dream! My book Cracking The Dream Code will help you learn your own dream language so you can get an edge in life. 

“I just figured out my Prince dream!!!1I used your book…it makes sense and was sooooooooooooooo easy! Thank you!!”   1- Stacy Cole, morning show host WIFC, Wausau, WI

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