Lauri’s Blog

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman whose dearly departed husband has been appearing in her dreams…

My husband passed away this past January and since then I’ve had a lot of dreams about him. This is the last one I had two nights ago: I was standing inside a building and saw my car in a parking lot when it started to hail. I saw my husband run up to it and drive it away. Next thing I know, he’s standing beside me in the building and starts handing out grey T-shirts to strangers (three women) and then gives me one that has the word “Arizona” printed on it. I smile at him and say thanks and then we start walking further into the building with a small crowd of people. This is the second time I’ve dreamt of my car and my husband in a stormy situation. What does this mean?

Lauri: I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart is with you. I am glad you are paying attention to your dreams right now because they can actually be a nifty little built-in healing mechanism in that they allow you to safely sort out your feelings and thoughts as well as help you to move through the grief. So let’s delve into this dream and see how your inner nuts and bolts are helping you to work through this really tough time.

The building represents the relationship you built with your husband. The storm and the hail is your current emotional state. You are currently trying to “weather” a downpour of depression and perhaps even a sense of growing numb or cold to things that used to interest you.

The car is your ability to progress and move forward down your road of life, as well as your motivation and “drive” to keep going. It is in a parking lot because when your husband passed, I’m sure you felt as if your life stopped too. You also probably had to put on hold or “park” a lot of things in your life so that you could gather yourself. Your husband drives away in the car because you are still feeling like he has up and left you behind. This also reflects a deeper sense that he has gone on a different journey without you.

Then he’s suddenly beside you. I believe that shows your deeper belief that yes, even though he did leave you, he is still with you. The grey T-shirts represent the depression you are currently in, your sense that all the color has left your life. The three women are most likely different aspects of yourself such as mother, wife, career woman. They are the three biggest roles you play in life that now seem strange to you because when your husband died, it changed your identity and sense of self.

The shirt that says Arizona is interesting. Does Arizona hold any significance to you? Any personal associations? If not, perhaps Arizona is referred to in your dream because it is currently an embattled state and your inner mind may somehow connect Arizona’s battle with your inner battle. Also, Phoenix is the capitol of Arizona and a Phoenix is known to rise from the ashes… just as you will certainly rise again from your grey ashes of depression. That may very well be the main message this dream — or perhaps even your husband — is trying to convey to you right now.

I also believe the small crowd of people you walk into represents the small crowd of people who have gone through the loss of a spouse and that you may want to find and join some sort of bereavement support group, if you haven’t already. Being around and communicating with people who understand what you’re going through will help you to know that you are not alone, and more importantly, that you will be able to get through this and move on with your life. I believe this was a very powerful dream. And I wouldn’t doubt that your husband may indeed be trying to guide you through this heart-wrenching time.

Dreamer’s response: Thank you so much for responding to me. My dream makes so much sense to me now. I’m amazed at how your interpretation reflects exactly how I felt and am still feeling. I did feel as if he had abandoned me and went off onto another journey without me. For the last sixteen years, we’ve always done everything together. I know my husband is okay now because he told me this in a separate dream I had. You’re also correct that I’ve been having a hard time “finding” myself and figuring out who I am without him. The depression hits me really hard some days and things I used to love to do, I could totally care less about now. Most everything I did, I did for him and now he’s not here to do things for and it’s like, “What do I do with myself now?”

As I was just fixing to type out and tell you that the “Arizona” T-shirt made no sense to me either, it hit me that I have been to Arizona. Richard and I went on our last vacation together on 7/31/09 for seven days and part of the trip was to the Grand Canyon. I had this dream the early morning hours this past Saturday, 7/31. I’m wondering if he’s trying to tell me something or just wants me to remember the good times we had together. I don’t know… 

As far as the grief support group, I have looked into it. I thought I was doing okay without attending one, but maybe, in light of this, I should attend after all.

Strange sex dreams, death of a loved one, weird things happening to your body… It’s ALL in there!  Grab your copy of So, What Did You Dream Last Night?  and understand your dreams like never before!

“I have both of your books. I love them!!  It is so much fun to look up what my dreams mean in the morning.  I don’t know what I would do without them!”   – Amy, Clearfield, UT

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman who is wondering why she’s dreaming about being pregnant…

I’m female, single, and very NOT pregnant, but I recently had a dream in which I had just told the guy I’ve been seeing that I’m pregnant. We haven’t discussed being exclusive, but I haven’t been with anyone else since I met him two months ago. Anyways, I’m at his place when I tell him I’m pregnant and clearly recall that he immediately tells me that he won’t have sex with me anymore because I’m too “delicate” and “fragile.” I get upset and start to argue with him but he won’t let me get upset so he hugs and cuddles me to calm me and keeps whispering over and over again that I’m “delicate” and “fragile.” Sorry there was no sex in this dream, but it’s been preying on my mind. Thanks for the help! – Nina

Lauri: Dreams of pregnancy are very common, even when you aren’t hankerin’ for a hunk of bun in your oven. What it means is that something new is emerging in your life or within you. Seems to me that the idea of becoming exclusive with this guy is what is “growing inside of you.” Through this dream you are going through a dress rehearsal — so to speak — to see how it might go should you bring the idea of exclusivity up to him.

The dream takes place at his place because his place represents his mindset. You are wanting to get in there and see if he would be open to the idea you are pregnant with. He says he won’t have sex with you anymore because you are afraid he will not… ahem… “come together with you” on this idea. When he tells you that you are too delicate and fragile, it is really you telling yourself this. It’s not that you are too fragile to have sex, but perhaps too fragile to be turned down, which is why you argue in the dream. It is an argument with yourself whether you should bring the idea up or not. Just as he hugs you in the dream, you’d love for him to embrace this idea. I don’t think the dream is telling you not to do it, I believe it is letting you know that this is what you want — and warning you that if you do bring it up and he’s not hip to exclusivity, it might be a crushing blow… so be prepared.

Nina replies:  First, I have to thank your for your time and expertise in providing me an analysis. Second, wow.  I’m amazed at the ease and clarity with which you intepret the symbols and circumstances of my dream. Your interpretation hit all the notes of the my ponderings with this possible “relationship” and have subsequently brought my thoughts to focus. I am truly impressed and think it wonderful that you share your skills so generously.  Again, my sincere thanks.

Your dreams are such a powerful part of who you are.  They are giving you answers and direction, even warnings you need to know every night of your life. Why wouldn’t you want the ability to understand these important, even life-changing messages? Grab yourself a copy of one of my books and you’ll easily understand your dreams every morning and get a HUGE edge in life.

“I absolutely love your books! They are helping me sort my dreams out already.”   – Belinda, Savannah, GA

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman who is wondering why she’s dreaming about an old flame…

I have a reoccurring dream that is driving me crazy. I am in a seven year relationship but I keep having a dream about this guy I still have feelings for who I had a fling with. In this dream it’s always a family member telling me that “John Doe” is here to see me and I’ll get ready to see him but I never do. Something always ends up happening so I am unable to see him. When I’m with my significant other I find myself thinking about my old fling and actually wanting to see him. Please help!

Lauri: It’s common to continue to dream about someone who really “lit our fire” even decades after we were with them. As time goes on, the person no longer represents him or herself but rather the excitement and passion that we experienced when we were with them. In my research I’ve found that these old flames tend to pop into our dreams when our current relationship becomes a little too routine or when our life becomes hum drum. The inner mind will bring this person into our dreams to remind us that it is time to re-ignite our inner spark, time to bring the excitement and passion that person represents back into our waking life or current relationship. Remember, it’s the feelings that they are connected to, not the person.

But what concerns me though is that you said you had a fling with this person. Does that mean it was a brief romantic relationship during your current seven year relationship? Or did this fling precede your current relationship? Whatever the case, the fact that you are never able to see him in your dreams is where the message lies. You mentioned that you still have feelings for him and think of him. Your wiser inner self knows that – morally – you cannot “see him” anymore because you are in a committed relationship. And if you want this relationship to continue, you need to realize that “seeing him” is no longer an option. You are no longer together for a reason.

I suggest you take that energy, those feelings your dreams give you and turn it towards your boyfriend. Whenever Mr. Ex Fling shows up in your dream, harness those passionate feelings you wake up with and put them to good use, if ya know what I mean…wink, wink!

Strange sex dreams, death of a loved one, weird things happening to your body… It’s ALL in there!  Grab your copy of So, What Did You Dream Last Night?  and understand your dreams like never before!

“I have both of your books. I love them!!  It is so much fun to look up what my dreams mean in the morning.  I don’t know what I would do without them!”   – Amy, Clearfield, UT

Illustration by Jody Hewgill

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman who can’t stop dreaming about her ex…

Some background: My long-term boyfriend cheated on me and I broke up with him. It was the most upsetting thing that ever happened to me and I’m still not fully over it, but it was over a year ago and I’ve tried really hard to move on.

However, I’ve recently been having really vivid dreams about him. In them I’m in bed and lying in the same position I’m in; he comes into my room, seeming agitated, and after hesitating for a long time, lies down behind me and just holds my hand.

In the dream I am only pretending to be asleep while he does this; I feel annoyed and affronted that he has had the nerve to get in my bed and plan what I will shout at him when I ”wake up” — but I stay where I am and feel like I don’t want to move. It’s so real that I sometimes think he’s actually there. What’s my subconscious trying to tell me after all this time?   - Caroline

Lauri: Your dream is showing you that, in fact, you haven’t moved on at all. Notice how in the dream you don’t move, you stay in the same position. Your dream has given form to where you are emotionally: There has been “no movement” towards healing or closure, and your “position” on the matter has not changed. You are probably stuck in the mindset of a victim and can’t see past the loss you are feeling; you did say, “I stay where I am and feel like I don’t want to move.”

Your dream is showing you that the choice is yours as to whether you remain where you are in misery or actually make an honest effort to move forward toward healing. In the dream your ex is always behind you; this is your dreaming mind trying to tell you that he is behind you in your past and you need to start looking forward. The pretending you are doing in the dream is the pretending you are doing in real life. You do need to “wake up” and realize what you are doing to yourself.

Everything that you are saying to him in your head in the dream, I want you to write that all out tonight at bedtime right before you turn out your light. You have internalized your pain for far too long and now is the time to get it out of your psyche and onto paper. Take up as many pages in your journal as you need to. Get it all out, curse-swear-scream it all out as you write, get all that pain out.

Once you have exhausted yourself, go ahead and rip those pages out of your journal and toss them in the trash. This is symbolic of ridding yourself of the useless pain and frustration you have been holding onto all this time; it is worthless to you, it is trash. Then turn out your light, go to sleep, and see what kind of dream you get tonight. I’ll bet you’ll have a dream showing your progress! I’ll also bet you’ll wake up feeling a lot better and ready to take on the future. Remember, it is impossible to move forward when you are holding on to what is behind you.

Caroline replies: Thanks so much for this. It all makes such a massive amount of sense – I actually kind of cried a bit when I read it because I know it’s so true! I’ve tried a lot of different things to get past what happened, but I’m going to try your advice before bed and see if it helps. If any more positive dreams happen I’ll let you know! Once again, thank you so much – you’ve really clarified in my mind what the problem is and now I feel able to take action and solve it.

Your dreams are a built-in healing mechanism.  If you are trying to move on from pain in your recent past, let your dreams show you the way!!  Grab yourself a copy of one of my books and you’ll easily understand your dreams every morning and get a HUGE edge in life.

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman who had a rather uncomfortable dream about a family member…

In real life, my third cousin is 20 years older than me. He lived with my family until I was 6. My dad was pretty much his father figure. He is a great person (if very conservative) and has a wife and three children. In the dream I had last night I was in a long-distance relationship with my cousin. It was still pretty new, and not physical yet. We were talking on the phone, and he kept saying how he should move to my small college town so we could be together. I was really hesitant (trying to avoid getting more serious) about wanting him nearby and tried to convince him that a nearby (and larger) city would be better for his career. Needless to say, no one in the family knew about the relationship. Help!

Lauri: Fear not!  Your dream does not suggest you have a any suppressed, incestuous desires to bed or wed your cousin.  An important rule to remember when figuring out your dreams is that the people in your dreams are actually some symbolic part of you.  So your dream is not about your cousin but about what he represents to you.  You described him as conservative.  Is there a part of you that is conservative financially, socially or politically?  Or is it that he represents family, and you are conflicted as to whether you are ready to go down that road yet.  In the dream the relationship was a secret.  In real life, do you have conservative views or issues you haven’t shared?  Or is there something else you are keeping on the down-low? You discuss his career in the dream so this may very well be connected to YOUR career in waking life.  Maybe a family of your own would curtail your career at the moment.  Whatever the case, your hesitance in the dream suggests you are hesitant about opening up about something in real life… and where a dream ends is usually where the message is.  Your dream may be telling you that there is something you may be better off keeping to yourself or keeping your distance from.

Response from dreamer: Thank you so much for interpreting this! I do have two issues that sound completely at odds right now. I’m in a relationship that is a little frustrating because we never communicate and it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I’m worried it never will. Because physical involvement has been low, I haven’t had a need to tell him I’m a virgin (and that it’s not for religious reasons). Because of past experiences, I am extremely nervous about doing so. At the same time, I am going to a specialist to see how much current medical problems will affect my ability to have children in the future. In many ways, I do feel like I have a double (or triple) life. Whew, now I don’t have to feel awkward when my cousin comes to visit!

Don’t let your dreams frighten you!  Let them enlighten you!!  Grab yourself a copy of one of my books and you’ll easily understand your dreams every morning and get a HUGE edge in life.

“All my friends come to me now when they want to understand their dreams.  Your books have made me very popular!!”   – Gina, Syracuse, NY

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman who had a creepy dream about her ex and a baby with no face…

A few years ago, I briefly dated this guy (let’s call him X), though we never had sex. We parted mutually after only a few weeks, when it became clear that we were completely incompatible.  I am now in a happy, 2-year relationship with a friend of his, with his blessing. So here’s the dream:

X had a one-night stand with an insane girl and was now left with a baby by her, since she was not stable enough to look after it at all. For some reason, even though we aren’t close anymore, he came to me for help.  Our interaction with each other and with the child was being watched by a panel of ‘judges’, and with them looking on (to make sure we weren’t ‘inappropriate’).  I picked up the baby to feed him; his face was gone, replaced by a smooth white china mask with lumps and indentations where the eyes, nose and mouth should be. We smeared food on the mouth indentation, trying to find a way to feed the baby, but it didn’t work and then the baby disappeared and I knew that I had failed.  X then took my hand and we sat in silence for the rest of the dream.

Lauri: You must be feeling scrutinized in waking life. Who has been judging you or making you feel inadequate? If it’s not anyone around you, then ask yourself if you are the one being too judgmental and critical of yourself.

The baby represents some new element or new responsibility in your life, born out of a confusing, chaotic or “insane” set of circumstances.  You are now left holding the bag and apparently are not feeling up to the challenge.  Did you reluctantly take on a waking life responsibility that you weren’t prepared for?  The baby has no face because you may not have yet “faced” the reality of the situation.  I think your dreaming mind chose to use this former boyfriend to illustrate the fact that you have taken on something that you shouldn’t have, something that was not a good match for you.

In the end of the dream, the man takes your hand because your inner self is reminding you that you were probably only trying to “lend a hand” in the first place, so don’t be so hard on yourself.  The silence suggests that you may need to speak up about the issue because it seems like there was a certain level of injustice that has happened here.

Response from dreamer: Yes, that makes perfect sense!  I was recently dumped with a whole heap of extra responsibility from my family, and going back to study, and am starting to feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day!  I also just started a new job which has been separating me from my close friends more and more due to the chaotic hours, so my support group feels like it’s dwindling. Thanks so much!

Don’t let your dreams frighten you!  Let them enlighten you!!  Grab yourself a copy of one of my books and you’ll easily understand your dreams every morning and get a HUGE edge in life.

“All my friends come to me now when they want to understand their dreams.  Your books have made me very popular!!”   – Gina, Syracuse, NY

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a very confused woman…

I have been with my boyfriend for over two years, and we are in a very steady and increasingly serious relationship; meaning, there has been talk of living together and possibly marriage. My boyfriend is in almost all of my dreams, but this was by far the strangest I’ve had…

I was still a woman, and he still very much a man — and he was giving birth to our child! I was standing next to him, holding his hand as he was going through the labor, and we were both overwhelmed with emotion — positive emotion. I remember at one point looking down and feeling as if I could see the little hands reaching out as if the baby was also striving to be born. In the midst of the strain and labor, he looked up at me and said, “Wow, now it’s time for me to be a father,” and I was encouraging him and just in awe of what he was doing.

Now, for further background information, I am not pregnant and am in no way sure I -ever- want to have kids; but when I woke up from this dream, I was so happy (and also rather freaked out…).  I am super curious as to what’s going on here.

Lauri: I’m very curious as to where the baby was coming out? You know, never mind. I think I would prefer not to have that visual! So, let’s move on, shall we? This is actually a very lovely dream that reflects the enormous amount of hope you have for the future of your relationship. And that is precisely what the baby symbolizes… the future. It is the “new life” you and your boyfriend have been talking about having together.

Interesting, though, that your boyfriend was the one that was giving birth, which leads me to believe that he perhaps is the one putting the effort into this possibility. Is he the one that brought it up, that “gave birth” to the idea? Whatever the case, your dream is showing you that, like a newborn, your new life together is untainted and full of possibilities, but also like a new baby, your new life together will require a lot of TLC and focus so that it can reach its full potential.

Dreamer’s response: Thanks so much. (And as for your inquisition as to the place of the infant’s, er, exit, it looked much like a normal birth with a woman to me — which is of course impossible — but, hey, that’s dreams.) Your analysis seems spot on with what is going on in our relationship.

Since I have always been extremely hesitant (and a bit cynical) about the idea of marriage, the conversations on the subject have always been initiated by my boyfriend. Or, at least, he is the one who makes me feel comfortable enough talking about things as serious as this. This is not to say I hadn’t been thinking about them on my own (which was a self-surprise), but he is the one who brought the ideas we’d both apparently been having to the surface.

And you’re right –I, the both of us, have a lot of hope! In fact, when we have these conversations, it inevitably comes to the terms you used — new life, and we’ve both approached these steps forward as a sort of rebirth, which… makes absolute sense in the context of the dream.

Strange sex dreams, death of a loved one, weird things happening to your body… It’s ALL in there!  Grab your copy of So, What Did You Dream Last Night?  and understand your dreams like never before!

“Your books have given me so much insight into my dreams it’s crazy!!”   - Anne, Huntington, IN

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a guy who died…

I dreamed that I died and I ended up in a place where there were other people walking around. Everyone knew we were dead and there were buildings and rooms, it looked like the world we live in today. I kept feeling like I urgently needed to come back to the living, especially go back to my girlfriend, and I was desperately looking for a way to come back to life. There were people there I knew but I don’t remember who they are and someone told me they knew how to come back to life. He told me when an old man whistled (or maybe it was hummed) there is a chance to get through.

I don’t remember what happened next but we did something to get through whatever that was and I was underwater deep under the sea on an old wooden pirate ship. Everyone was dead aboard the ship and it was carrying me to up to the surface. They knew I was on board with this other person and were trying to catch us and get rid of us and we somehow disabled the ship and escaped.

From this point on I don’t know what happened to the other person but next thing I know I’m alive, I feel a huge pressure in my chest and I’m going to see my girlfriend and family. I find her and my family and I’m with her and I think I’m holding her and all the pressure is released from my chest and a sensation of relief comes over me. I don’t remember how long I was dead for though, could have been 6 days, 6 weeks, or 6 years. (Kind of eerie I would remember it like that, 6-6-6). That was all that happened but I remember thinking in my dream how my body was in perfect condition and I thought how maybe it should have been decayed or rotting but it wasn’t. I hope you can help, I’ve never died then come back to life in a dream before! Thanks!

Lauri: Dreaming of one’s own death can be very concerning, but you may be happy to know it’s also pretty common. Death, to the dreaming mind, is connected to something changing or ending in waking. In what way has your life — as you now know it — come to an end or changed? Is there something you have had to let go of? Any issue you have had to lay to rest? Or perhaps you’ve become dead to the world in some way. Have you become cold and unemotional?

Throughout the dream you are trying to come back to life so you can get back to your girlfriend. What is it you are trying to revive in the real world? Did your relationship go through some turmoil and are you trying to get it back to the way it was? Or are you trying to get yourself back to the way you were so you can enjoy your current relationship? That may be what the old pirate ship is about. Ships in dreams are often connected to a relationship. Is there an old relationship that went horribly wrong and that caused you to submerge your anxieties rather than deal with them?

Long story short, it seems that you may have gotten something off your chest, hence the release of pressure from your chest in the dream. Your body is in perfect condition because, despite what you thought, you did not sustain any serious emotional damage from the past. Looks like you are ready to live again!

Don’t let your dreams frighten you!  Let them enlighten you!!  Grab yourself a copy of one of my books and you’ll easily understand your dreams every morning and get a HUGE edge in life.

“All my friends come to me now when they want to understand their dreams.  Your books have made me very popular!!”   – Gina, Syracuse, NY

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman who has a crush on a co-worker…

I have had a crush on a co-worker for months, but I’ve been in a monogamous relationship this whole time.  As far as I know he’s single, but he’s higher up than I am.  We’re on good terms, but have never done anything alone together, just been at company parties together and talked a bit.

I’ve had several dreams about him. The first involved him inviting me to his new apartment which was spacious and sunny; we went out on the balcony and saw people showering in the yard, then went inside and made out. The most recent dream, right after having pretty passionate sex with my real partner, entailed him inviting me over to “cook multiple eggs”; at one point he juggled the eggs and after that we had sex. 

The weekend of the second dream, my boyfriend and I had a condom issue and I had to get Plan B, so I was worried about eggs in a vague way and also ate duck eggs for the first time.  I was angry at my partner, too, because he thought I was getting too upset about needing to get Plan B for the second time in a few years.

Lauri: “We always long for the forbidden things, and desire what is denied us.”   So sayeth French writer Francois Rabelais.   When we cannot get what we want in waking life, the dreaming mind will kindly compensate, and your dreams are fine examples of that.  In your first dream you are invited to your crush’s new apartment because in waking life you desire to be invited into his life.  His apartment is spacious and sunny because you may very well have hidden hope that  he has space for you in his heart and hope for a bright future with him.

The showering people are interesting!  They are showering out in the open which is very symbolic of “coming clean” and getting your feelings “out in the open.”  That is why the next thing you do is make out.  Kissing in a dream can always be connected to conversation in waking life, conversation that recently happened or conversation that needs to happen.

In the second dream, the “multiple” eggs have multiple relevance.  Of course, they are connected to your fear that one of your own eggs may be in danger of fertilization.  Then there is the connection of trying duck eggs for the first time, and then the third connection is to the old saying “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”  You have a crush on another guy and were mad at your guy at the time of this dream.  It’s only natural to – at least subconsciously – wonder what another’s basket may be like.  And your crush juggles the eggs because… well, when one takes action on their forbidden desires for another, some careful juggling must be done.  Just ask Tiger!

But rather than attempting to do a dangerous juggle, you may want to do some introspection first and ask yourself which desire is stronger, the desire for someone else or the desire to continue your current relationship.  Just remember, it’s called a crush for a reason… sometimes it’s not reciprocated.

Response from dreamer: Thank you!  Sometimes things are obvious once someone else tells us them.

Strange sex dreams, death of a loved one, weird things happening to your body… It’s ALL in there!  Grab your copy of So, What Did You Dream Last Night?  and understand your dreams like never before!

“Your books have given me so much insight into my dreams it’s crazy!!”   - Anne, Huntington, IN

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at  Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between  This week’s dream is from a woman who keeps dreaming of anorexic women…

I’ve been having a series of dreams in which I feel serious affection for other women. In each dream I see an unknown woman across a room or whatever and it’d be like a meeting I’ve always wanted — like love at first sight. And it’d always be very secretive and exciting and passionate. It can stop at looking, but most of the time it ends with making out or even sex.

Sometimes the details are so strong that I remember the girls as if they are an actual memory, and the last one was called Izzy. Furthermore the girls are always very skinny, maybe even anorexic-like, and I find it very attractive. I’ve been dieting a lot lately with eating-disordered tendencies, but not at an extreme stage.

In real life I really don’t feel awkward about the dreams but rather I actually wish they were real! For as far as I know I’m straight, but I’m sure I’d be able to love another woman all the same. Are these dreams a reflection of my life and thoughts?

Lauri:  Dreams are thoughts. Dreaming is a thinking process, but rather than thinking in words we are thinking in symbols, pictures and stories; this is because our night thoughts (our dreams) happen in the subconscious mind rather than the conscious mind. It’s a different language but still just as important — if not more –than waking language because we are far more honest and insightful when we dream. Any emotion you feel in a dream is directly connected to current waking life emotions.

The desire you feel for these women in your dreams isn’t actually connected to a waking life desire for women but rather a waking life desire to have the waif-like, heroin-chic image that the girls in your dreams have. I believe your dream is very insightful as to what is going on in the minds of women who suffer from eating disorders. Your dream shows us how strong that desire is to have a smaller frame than you perceive yourself to have… so strong that it is equivalent to sexual desire. As we all know, sexual desire is one of the hardest desires to control!

Interesting that one of the girls even had a name. This is actually a good sign. It shows us that you are aware and have “identified” the fact that you may actually have a problem. Recognizing it is always the first step. I hope that you will address this issue before it gets out of hand because your very life is at stake! Please do it now before it is too late.

Strange sex dreams, death of a loved one, weird things happening to your body… It’s ALL in there!  Grab your copy of So, What Did You Dream Last Night?  and understand your dreams like never before!

“Your books have given me so much insight into my dreams it’s crazy!!”   - Anne, Huntington, IN